While a part of your mind may be thinking "Geez, I'm glad it's not me," when one of your best friends gets dumped, your main goal will be to help them get through it. When dealing with a break up, good friends can be one of the most useful tools in handling the healing process. As a friend, you have a job to do. But there's a way to do it right... and a way to do it wrong. Want to make sure you're doing the right things to get your best buddy over his or her recent internet dating disappointment? Read on for the steps to take to help a friend through a break up.
Be Patient and Understanding
When the relationship isn't yours, it's easy to have perspective. Sure, your friend is hurting now, but you know that the pain will eventually fade and love will come into his or her life again. But that's because you're not experiencing that pain-- for the person actually going through a break-up, having perspective is difficult, if not downright impossible.
Seeing things so differently from your recently stricken friend can sometimes be frustrating. You want them to understand, to look at things objectively the way that you do. But they can't. So your job is to be patient and understanding, even if talking to your friend about their ex feels like banging your head against the wall. One moment they're raving and angry, the next they're crying and aching for their lost partner. And your job is simply to be there.
Your friend has to spend some time grieving for the relationship lost, and the grieving process can take quite some time. You can't rush healing no matter how you try; so it's best not to rush your friend. People handle loss and rejection in different ways. Be sure you allow your friend to handle the break up in a way that seems appropriate to them-- even if it isn't the way you'd handle things yourself.
Talk, Laugh, and Listen
Your number one job when a friend has been dumped or is going through a break-up is to listen. Simply that. Let your friend talk through their crazy, contradictory feelings. Don't judge or even offer advice; just listen and help them carry the burden of what they lost. If your friend wants to clam up and not talk about it, try to encourage them to open up to you. You can't and shouldn't force a friend to talk if they don't want to, but gentle encouragement is a step in the right direction.
While listening is your key job here, there are also times when you need to speak up. After a break-up (especially after being dumped) there's a good chance that your friend's self esteem will have taken a dive. He or she might have unkind things to say about themselves or their behavior during the relationship. Your job is to make your friend feel good and remind them of what makes them such a special, incredible person. Stroke your friend's ego and help build them back up. And, when things get to heavy, try to make them laugh. A bit of laughter can do a lot to lighten the load.
Be a Distraction
While it's important to deal with their feelings after a break-up, it's not a good idea for your friend to dwell too much. Another of your jobs is to keep your friend distracted sometimes. After an afternoon of listening and comforting, do something fun with your friend that will get their mind off their break up. Visit his or her internet dating profile together and set their status to single. Then go out on the town!
Though you don't want to push dating onto your friend right away, it doesn't mean you can't have a great time. Go out for a drink with only the girls or only the guys. Let your friend see the fun that life offers, even without their ex by their side. Some ideas for fun, distracting activities are:
• Playing sports
• Getting makeovers or facials (for the girls, of course)
• Shopping
• Going dancing
• Playing video games
• Going on a road trip
• Going out for a night on the town
Break ups are painful, and there's only so much you as a friend can do to help somebody through one. But if you're patient and do a lot more listening than talking, you might just make the process a bit less painful. And that's what friends are for, right?
