So, you've met somebody special through an internet dating site, and things have begun to get serious. Your relationship is exclusive, you've become part of each other's lives, and... you've finally met your new boyfriend or girlfriend's parents. Congratulations are in order. That is, unless that all-important meeting didn't go well. Because no matter how great a relationship is for you, having your partner's parents dislike you is not a comfortable feeling. What do you do? Is there something you should say? How do you make them see how great you are?
Sometimes, there's no way to get a new partner's parents to warm up to you. But if you follow the steps below, you might have a decent shot at it.
Understand their Point of View
You know yourself, so you know how terrific you are. Not only that, you also know how great you are for this person's son or daughter. But what you have to remember is that they don't know that. They see you as an outside influence that has come sweeping into their family. Especially if you appear to be quite different from them, it can seem pretty threatening.
You also have to remember that your partner's parents don't see him or her as you do. In fact, they probably don't even see their child as an adult. Oftentimes, dislike stems from wanting to protect their children from harm-- and from wanting to avoid seeing them as an adult (and sexual) being.
Once you understand this, it's much easier to avoid taking their rejection personally. Simply show your partner's parents who you are, and make sure they see that you appreciate and are open to their way of life. Treat them with respect (which includes not getting too "touchy feely" in front of them), and they should eventually come around.
Show Your Feelings
Again, when your partner's parents don't like you, it's key to remember that that dislike often stems from wanting to protect their child. Make sure your new partner's parents see that you take your boyfriend or girlfriend and your relationship seriously. Tell stories or make comments that show that you, too, see what makes your partner special. When parents begin to see that you do have strong feeling for their child, they may just begin to warm up.
Don't Push
Treating your new partner's parents with respect, however, doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be their new best friend. If you try too hard to please and be friendly to them, it may set off warning bells in their heads... especially if you're clearly uncomfortable and being insincere. Remember that you're not yet a part of their family, and so don't try acting like you are. At this point in the relationship, the only thing you need to do is get along civilly with your new partner's parents. Closeness and friendship may come later.
Be Sincere
Most of the time, being polite and civil to your new partner's parents will be enough, over time, to allow them to see you as a valuable addition to their child's life. But sometimes you have to fight back. If your new girlfriend or boyfriend's parents are continually disrespectful to the point of being poisonous, you don't have to sit there and take it. In fact, they might not want you to. Politely tell them that you would prefer them to treat you with the same respect with which you treat them. While this may cause a confrontation, it may also help them to see you as a mature person who deserves that respect. If not, at least you've made it clear that you won't be stepped on.
