Your best friend’s husband is openly having an affair and she has no idea. Do you tell her? If so, do you have that right? Why?
This unfortunately is a topic that has hit very close to home for me. As having been the other woman, I may have some bias feelings towards not being the little snitch…naturally. But on a moralistic level, I still don’t believe that any one person has the right to change someone’s life in such a manner. People are not God…we should not be entitled to utter a private lie. It is not our right as far as I’m concerned. Is turning a blind eye wrong?
Now with all of that being said, affairs can be an unsettling warning bell for a lifeless marriage. After all, things happen for a reason. We may be at the right place at the right time at some point in our life…it happens for a reason. We may be at the wrong place at the wrong time at some point in our life…it happens for a reason. Infidelity is a very complex issue, yet more often than not there is always a reason for it.
Any affair within an unhappy marriage (yes, unhappy) will have to undertake the basic presumption that monogamy and fidelity will sometimes take a backseat. Therefore betrayal is who sits up front. Betrayal has many different faces and some are people you may least likely expect to carry that title. A wandering spouse, a home-wrecker, a needy man or woman…so many ‘titles’…so many judgments and verdicts being sentenced down to people. Because a basically faithful spouse who is not well and truly on the prowl couldn’t possibly allow himself/herself to be pulled into such a situation…or could they? Well, yes, they could. Anyone could. The whole ‘that will never be me’ mentality, is a mistaken way of thinking. It’s a scrutiny that could very well come back to haunt you.
If this was your friend, be sensitive to the nature of this very complex problem. You want to be a martyr? Then don’t do it by telling her, talk to him instead. Maybe confront him, but I would do so in a more sensitive manner. Ask why, ask where does he go from here, and will he continuously live his life like this? This is a discussion that promises to be very uncomfortable and very painful. But you may be surprised with some of his answers. It’s very sad when people are tormented with the grief of loving someone so deeply, yet because of the history and past they share with another person, they dwell in a life where it’s almost purgatory…no heaven, no hell…it’s simply very, very sad.
Relationships are never easy…ever. It’s a constant series of labor intensive drudgeries that at times can be extremely fulfilling or extremely painful. Being a sounding board to a friend can also have its benefits. It too is a relationship that should be held high, but not by giving yourself some God-given right that is simply not yours to decide it is so. Think carefully…and always think of the repercussions.
