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How do I convince my partner to have anal sex?

A question for Cheryl Swan (Dating, Sexuality & Relationships) on 2008-11-19.

An anonymous user asks...

Is there a subtle way to introduce anal sex into the relationship, besides through an obscene amount of alcohol?

Dating, Sexuality & Relationships expert Cheryl Swan answers...

The best way to introduce anal play is gradually and with agreement. Let your partner know how much you love it and BE WILLING TO RECEIVE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO GIVE. A buttocks massage can be a wonderful beginning, on its own or as part of intercourse. The gluteus maximus are the largest muscles in the body and the term “tight ass” did not come from nowhere! The entire buttocks area can be highly erogenous. Be playful and teasing and don’t go directly for your goal. Try some light caressing from the back of her thighs, over her cheeks and up the small of her back, she will have shivers running up and down her spine! You may want to share how the anal area of men and women has more nerve endings than the genitals of either gender. Internally, men have the prostate (the male g-spot) and women have very sensitive nerves that run through the tissue between the vagina and the rectum. When skillfully stimulated these sensitive areas can result in much more powerful orgasms for the person receiving. When you finally do get agreement for anal penetration, remember that there are two sphincters in the anus. One is on the outside of the body and can be relaxed voluntarily. The second is about 1-2 inches inside the body and is involuntary. You must go very gently with this second sphincter. There is no reason for the person receiving to experience any pain if you go slowly enough. Use plenty of thick water-based lubrication as the area has very little natural lubrication. Once you are past the second sphincter, the internal space becomes quite large. Be careful to only use anal-appropriate toys that have a wide base and cover them with a condom for ease of cleaning. If using hands to massage and penetrate, try wearing some thin vinyl examination gloves. Your partner will have a hard time telling you are even wearing them. They do not smell bad like latex and will protect sensitive areas from rough spots and fingernails. Never transfer anything from the anal area to the vaginal area as infections of the urinary tract and irritation of the vagina can result. Anal enjoyment has no connection to your sexual orientation. More nerve endings mean more possible pleasure. Remember you own all of your body and it is yours to explore!

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