Posted on January 1, 2009, 6:12 pm

I find the term "cougar" demeaning. I do not prowl for these younger guys, they contact me. I used to waive them off, thinking they were only interested in sex. Finally I decided to meet with some of them if their approach to me wasn't coarse, and probe as to their reason for contact. Usually they said they found older women fascinating, blahty-blah, and eventually it boiled down to having a fantasy of sex with an older woman and they wanted to act on it. Let me say I was looking for a life partner so we never got to the sexual part. In talking, these guys' idea of good sex was "pile-driving" for hours (or some variation). Believe me, at my age (67) with thinning membranes, that was too painful to contemplate. I wouldn't have been comfortable being the "teacher" of finer things, because that's just too "masculine" a behavior for me. The youngest was 30, then there was a 35 year-old, then a 45 year-old, and a 50 year-old---all with this "older woman" fantasy. Finally a 53 year-old (13 years younger) stepped up, and we established a wonderful friendship first before becoming sexual. I had forgotten what dating a guy without ED could be like! (big grin) Too bad it didn't last beyond 6 mos.

Any other older women out there with similar experiences?

Posted on January 26, 2009, 6:14 am

First I understand what your saying, most guys who go out with older women aren't really thinking of long term. They are looking for mainly what we have to offer that is different which is experience and a lot less drama. However, some are just looking for a mature person who has already has gotten everything out of their system (so to speak) and wants to just settle down. You just have to find out why they prefer you over someone their own age. I prefer younger guys, and always have, even married one once. Mainly because I find guys that are 10 years anywhere near my age are just not on my level with interests, energy, or even physical shape. Yes there are always exceptions. Nice to hear other opinions, thanks!

Posted on January 28, 2009, 9:50 pm

Well put Roses. I find your posts humorous and enlightening. With the advent of drugs for this mysterious problem "ED" I would not think the problem to be as common as you imply.

Posted on January 28, 2009, 10:09 pm

Thank you for your kind words, Tuna. You are surprised about the prevalence of ED what with all the new drugs? Well, they don't work for everybody, especially those guys with heart problems. And I find that if they can't take the drugs, they just give up and just announce that "cuddling is so wonderful".............hmmmm. Never seems to occur to them there's anything else to do to be sensual and sexual. Somebody should write a book............."Sex without intercourse" or something. It would be good for both sexes. If the guy can't tell you what gives him pleasure (if he has ED), what are we women supposed to do? Trial and error? Fortunately I haven't found the guys trying to lay their non-erection trips on me anymore.

Myself, I've already been working on "1001 First Dates". Oh, the stories I have recorded!

Posted on February 18, 2009, 12:08 pm

Would youn ladies mind if I joined in on this and added my two cents from a mans perspective. Since I myself find I asm attracted to women who are older. Although I do have a 75% rule. Either I have to be 75% of her age or she has to be 75% of mine. Though if it were a younger woman she would have to be extremely mature.

Personaly I find that you stated a few of the reasons I am attracted to Mature women. They definatley are not into the drama scene as hard, they generaly have thier likes and dislikes in life pretty sorted out, they are less emotionally see-sawish, and heart fickleish than younger women.

The other plusses are that older women are more appreciative of romance and the little nothings that mean everything. The can appreciate the quiet evening of mundaneness that comes with everyday life. They appreciate the art of being seduced in a sensual way, they appreciate just being intimate with someone and that does not neccesarily mean sex, and though sexually "piledriving-well drilling- swinging from the chandalier sex " is good and has it's place. The most important thing sexually about an older woman that I like in fact love. Is the fact that they can enjoy and reciprocate an evening of making love.

But then again I am a guy who gets turned on by a woman who can have an inteligent converstaion. So maybe I am not the norm for the guys who have this "fetish" .

Posted on February 18, 2009, 7:15 pm

Wolfspirit, your post seems to echo Cutabove's, where she says most guys who go out with older women aren't really thinking of long term. Your post talks a lot about the aspects of making love. It doesn't discuss sharing a lifetime. Maybe you just didn't include all your thoughts on this.

From the percentages you list in your post, I calculate your desired age range is about 30-55. Wow, what a difference in life stages those ages are. The 30 somethings are likely to want to settle down and have babies, and the late 40's and higher usually don't. The 40's gals may also have children to consider, so maybe they're more into "flings", not wanting to complicate their existing children's lives with a step-father or boyfriend.

The older ones (50's) who have had families already are probably wanting to get out and into something more exciting. "Quiet evening of mundaneness that comes with everyday life"? Phooey! I'll bet they want somebody who has a plan for something other than an evening of a DVD and snuggling on the couch. ACK! We've already had enough of that.

Anybody else want to weigh in on this?

Posted on February 19, 2009, 5:56 pm

Wish I could weigh in Roses, but I've only ever dated men older than myself! I do have a friend who dated a man 15 years her junior, starting when he was 30 and she was 45. Eventually his desire for children led to the breakup of the relationship that lasted 3 years. She was quite clear and honest about her desire to have no more children, but at age 30, he wasn't sure. When he finally decided, it almost broke her heart. We picked up the pieces, but quite honestly, a piece of her died when he left.

Posted on July 25, 2009, 10:59 pm

Well better later than never I say! I have a few thoughts on this...

I've consoled a few friends in my day too.

The suddenly wanting children could of been the excuse saved all along
to end the relationship when he wanted an out.

Rose covered quite a bit of the couger issue with the younger guys do let me add.

They also look for that drawer to place thier things and pay the room & board with the
favors they think they have to offer, till the next best place comes along.

They hope to learn a few sexual tricks while they are there in the mean time, hoping your a well learned teacher.
It is a very rare thing that a relationship of that sort would be in true lasting love.
I'm not saying its never happened but very very rare.

In todays world ... it's the latest craze for the younger guy to look for the older woman.
I'm sure some older woman love the attention for whats its worth.

In the end of it all ... it's to each thier own.
Hopefully both keep an open mind wether thats really what they want to risk a relationship being & find partners educated of those risks.
Hopefully they concider what it can do to hurt another human being if they
are just there for fun!

Posted on October 14, 2009, 7:50 pm

Too much of a headache. I couldn't date someone young enough to be my son (my eldest son is 21). The people at times can be needy, attention whores, and I didn't want to be responsible for raising someone's grown son.

Posted on October 17, 2009, 4:16 pm

i am older than my current bf and im not sure really if we're both for each other..