Posted on February 18, 2009, 10:52 pm

Why do we want what we can't have. Not as a woman but as a human. Latley i get attention from men and women that I could care less about and once i get the attention from that special person...it wilts away when the attention is returned by me. Am i looking for love in all the wrong places? am i so anxious to seem aloof?, NOt sure could use some advice.

Posted on February 19, 2009, 2:55 pm

You know, Venus, I've noticed the same thing. After a first date I come away with one of two decisions: 1) No way am I attracted to this guy or 2) There's a possibility, but I need more information/contact. Usually it's #2, so I'm open to a second meeting. They may say they'd like to see me again, but often nothing more happens (I never call them for the second date--too "masculine" behavior for me, and he's supposed to do the initiating, in my opinion).

But if they mention getting together again, and my decision is #1, I say, "Sorry, but I don't think we're clicking". Then the most astounding thing happens! Just like you said. They pursue! They want to come to church with me, walk around the lake, go to the movies! What? Didn't they just hear me say "Sorry"? I've really meant NO, so I usually don't see them again, although sometimes I have taken them to church because they're curious about Tibetan Buddhism and want to experience the service.

What happens when I am interested? If it's a woman and I want to be friends, I'll pursue the friendship, and 9 times out of 10 it's reciprocated and sustained.

If it's a guy and I think I'd like to date him, I don't ask him out or pursue, EVER. I make myself attractive and available, and if he's interested back, he has to have the confidence to ask me out for coffee or something. I always let him pursue in the relationship. Otherwise men lose interest, I believe. Silly as it sounds in this day and age, they really have to feel "needed" to stick around. Lots of good articles about learning how to do that, and Oprah's on a big kick about appreciating your man now.

Good luck.

Posted on May 1, 2009, 9:57 pm

Personally I don't think it's a question of the chase if you have rejected the pursuing party; or that they wilt when you do respond to them. I think it's a matter of the chemistry happening with male/ female at the very first meeting. When that chemistry kicks in...both people will be extremely keen for the next meeting/date to occur. There won't be any fear or apprehension...just the desire to spend as much time with that person as possible...it will just feel RIGHT.
Cheers
Steve

Posted on July 24, 2009, 12:26 am

well i feel the same way as venus and i appreciate wat roses has said and would like to thank venus for posting that question. the replies that venus has received really help me a lot in finding out the answer to my version of venuses question. THANK YOU!!!!

Posted on October 14, 2009, 7:30 pm

Why do we want what we can't have. Not as a woman but as a human. Latley i get attention from men and women that I could care less about and once i get the attention from that special person...it wilts away when the attention is returned by me. Am i looking for love in all the wrong places? am i so anxious to seem aloof?, NOt sure could use some advice.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Maybe it is because you seem "anxious" more than aloof and you come across as desperate. As to that "special person", there is no idea of knowing that until you have spent time in their company and they reciprocate any show of affection.
Don't try so hard to attract someone that you are attracted to. The worst thing to have happen is attracting a complete azzhat that makes your life impossible and you can't get rid of.

Take "initiative"and make the first move, provided you sense an attraction from the other person.

Posted on November 1, 2009, 1:55 pm

As a guy, I like a girl who is straight up honest about how she feels and what she wants.

Posted on November 2, 2009, 5:03 am

I prefer a girl to be modern, self-confident and meet me halfway. All this chasing business can be psychological mind games when life is short and we could get down to having a good time together.

Posted on November 2, 2009, 12:08 pm

Simply put, just be yourself and don't worry about who you attract or don't because who's to say you're leading on the right or wrong guy for you...because you can't know that until you've spent time with them to know for sure as others above have mentioned.

From my point of view i want someone who will not lie to me just to keep me happy. that is not a relationship. I know from experience, because it hurt someone i cared about and love greatly and now we are getting a divorce because she wouldn't talk to me about things that bothered her.

So don't put on a show to attract what you want unless you are wanting 1 night stands or sex buddies.

Posted on November 5, 2009, 2:59 am

i agree steve i have recently met up with a guy from here and instantly there was a connection between us cant explain it, its like where have u been all my life, sometimes it takes patience, when u r not looking u turn around and its right there in front u and the feeling is just so overwhelming.

i never thought i would ever be this happy again and i own it all 2 datepad THANK U SO MUCH XXX

Posted on November 5, 2009, 4:52 am

yeah it's the unfortunate laws of attraction I guess. As soon as one like someone, the other loses interest, in hope of finding someone better. To answer the question in your topic: NO the chase is grotesquely discouraging and artificial. I hate it, and I fear every step I take in the chase game because it's just disgusting to be dismissed. (once you lose a lady, you lose her forever imho).

Unfortunately that's the least bad way a society can work I guess. :) oh well :)

Posted on December 9, 2009, 3:59 pm

Depends how long you have to chase her for... once i ran about three miles i was fooked...

Posted on January 10, 2010, 4:46 am

the chase is the best part for men and women !!!

Posted on January 11, 2010, 3:07 pm

well for alot of people and the natural animal world even ours the chase is a sence of accomplishment,i know that i love the chase and when u finnally catch up its well worth it.wether or not u may like the person sometimes the chase is needed to feel human

Posted on January 12, 2010, 4:41 am

short answer: because most people don't know what they want and are basicly sheep.

trust me, if you were a girl with mass appeal (basicly an 8, 9, or 10 on a 1-10 scale) then guys would all be competing to get into your panties and it would be up to you to choose the sincere one who you also found attractive. if you have metal in your face or pastel hair or are covered in tatoos (or all 3, hypotheticly), no matter how nice your rack is, you're going to have a very limited audience.

Posted on January 12, 2010, 5:07 am

*edit*
but the guys who are into that kind of thing would basicly be a captive audience

Posted on January 14, 2010, 10:58 pm

the chase can be fun but sometimes the game gets old. i like a lady theat will let me know instead of stinging me along because if she does like me and i feel that shes polaying then i'm gone. also to venus and rose just because you are into the guys you feel are your "type" that doesn't mean that you are theirs. just like you that person may feel that they are getting attention from someone they could care less about.

Posted on January 15, 2010, 2:26 pm

IMHO there is something to playing hard to get. WE men learn, usually in high school, that when a girls says NO it does not mean no. it frequently means "try harder". I kbnow thi i spolitically incorrect thinking and when I'm told no I respect the boundary ( I don't want to spend time in jail).

UNfortunately, there is little room for honesty in the dating game. If you are really intrigued by her you better not let her know because it will look like you are desperate and that usually means NO for real.
So, we all engage in various forms of deception.